The Slut?

Was discussing live-in relationship with a friend and then even posted the topic on my community group. As usual the discussion on the community group went haywire and the one with the friend was very vocal.

The mentality of many, with whom I have discussed this topic is that they look upon the female as a slut, whore. I have always argued why dont u call the boy with similar names…never received a reply from them.

Personally I dont have anything against live-in relationships…its a mutual understanding between two individuals. But then why blame only one partner if you are against it.

Forget live-in relationships…even with extra marital affairs…it is always the female who is blamed. Is the man involved in the extra marital affair innocent then ?

In our society when a man breaks off his live-in or extra marital affair and returns back to the family…he is “Subah ka bhula, Shyam ko lauta” and if a female returns back she is subjected to a lot of names and in most cases not accepted back in the family.

We live in a MCP society actually….

Death and the organized mind

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure – Dumbledore (J K Rowling)

Came to know of two deaths recently, one of a person who had crossed his 70s and one who had just crossed his 40s. My sympathies to the family of the second one because he has two school going kids.

Why no sympathies for the first one?? Because he lived to such a huge age? No….not for that …but because I happened to read his farewell letter to his family. Yes, a very beautiful farewell letter and that too now now but 18 years back.

18 years back, he had organized everything, and was ready for his next great adventure. Though (like he himself wrote in the letter) , not everybody would agree to his way of handling certain things after his death, but was laughing and amazed at such clear thoughts. I am not sure if the letter was written at a time when he might not have been well, but the clarity of thoughts certainly prove otherwise.

Death is inevitable. It can come anytime, anywhere, out of the blue. It is upto us to organize ourselves before our death, so that certain things or people are taken care of. When we have time, when we are clear in mind, organizing at such times will certainly help.

This letter was in no way a Will or distribution of assets….but it was distribution of love and thoughts, and ideologies. My personal interacting with this gentleman has been very minimal, infact might have met him hardly twice or thrice in my life, but my respect for him has certainly grown manifold.

Delicate strings

It was nicely windy in the morning, enough for my wind chimes to spread their sweet music. Only last week I had untangled it, because it had got tangled up very badly. Had to do it very patiently so as to not to break the strings.

Today while listening to it chime, i remembered the way I had to untangle it, and this in turn made me remember a very delicate gold chain I had gifted my wife during our courtship days. It was so delicate and thin, that every time during storage, it used to get entangled badly, and I had to work on it with a needle to set it right.

Relations are also like this. Very complicated and if they get entangled the wrong way, can break. One needs patience to untangle the strings of relationship slowly, one by one, to ensure that they are not broken. Fast or rash acts can only lead to damage which may or may not be irreversible.

Wedding Invitations….

The best issue about wedding is taken up in a recent Vodaphone advertisement, where the character is ruing the fact that even after posting of wedding cards one still has to call up the relatives etc etc etc.

As far as the relatives and friends are staying at a far away places, posting the cards to them and then calling them is ok. But if they are staying in your own city or even in the neighboring cities…then posting the card is considered a definite way of breaking your relation with them in India.

The guardians of the boy or girl to be married move out in the morning and end their day in the night, distributing the cards. Sometimes they look like zombies during the marriages if this procedure is not ended atleast 3-4 days before marriage.

What I dont understand is why are we Indians are so hell bent on receiving the marriage cards personally. Why can the poor family of the bride and groom be spared this torture. What is wrong in receiving the cards by post or courier? After all the family has other chores to complete before the marriage. Shouldnt that be considered OK to accept the cards by post or courier.

Second is that why cant we accept the fact that if we receive the card with an additional card asking about the number of members who will be attending the marriage, it is ok. This is considered a BIG INSULT. Nothing wrong in it frankly….if the family of bride and groom are aware beforehand as to how many people will be attending the function, at least they can be assured that the food wont be more or less during the marriage. This system is followed in certain castes but is considered under no-no in majority of the castes. Some castes also mention that only a certain number of people are invited per card. Again nothing wrong.

But such issues are sufficient for severing off the ties amongst families and friends. Having a marriage in the house is a big thing, but it also is a major reason amongst many for make or break of relations.Things need to be changed…wonder if they will???

Why do we shout in Anger?

Sometimes it is odd, when you are going thru something, and out of the blue, you receive an email which is very effective or somewhat linked to what you are going thru. I am reproducing the email I received from a friend

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people
shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our
calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the
saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do
you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able
to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to
shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are
very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in
their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each
other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each
other.'
MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words
that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the
distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.